Brides-to-be no longer want to be termed ‘bridezilla’. The term has become the popular title for most brides until their big day. Bridezilla equals tantrums, crying, stress outs, unreasonable requests… blah blah blah. It’s not fun anyone, especially the bride herself. So here are a few tips from someone striving to beat the bridezilla blues and get on the wagon to bridechilla ville!

Ok for starters, deep breath and repeat after me: “I am calm, I am in control”… Another deep breath please… in……. out…….. yes, that’s it!....... say: “Everything will be fine” , “everything will work out”…. And your newly learned mantra: “I am calm, I am in control”


• Team-work
Although at times it will feel like you are all battling against each other, remember (hard as it will be) that you, your fiancé, your family and in-laws have the same basic goal: a great wedding. You will encounter a few obstacles on the way, but they are surmountable if you have the right attitude.

• Ahlan wa Sahlan!
Western magazines and books (bridal, wedding planners, flowers etc.) are a fundamental part of planning all aspects of the wedding (there are tons and tons to get through) – however, they will not prepare you for the Arab version of things. As much as many of us may want a small wedding, a small engagement, a small anything (and I’ve tried)- it is virtually impossible!! Also, no matter how you want to do things there is the matter of ‘tradition’. Now, it may seem like a harmless little word, but it comes with a whole set of rules and regulations. To avoid the inclinations to be bridezilla-ish when you suddenly are told a few night before an event “well, this is way things have to be” and they do not match what you have planned for, start researching! Ask anyone and everyone about how your family, your groom’s family, your country, region, tribe, and/or social group do things so that you can find ground to start compromising on. There are many beautiful traditions that you may want to incorporate into your way of doing things, and then some you may not. Remember, you want to maintain control from the very beginning, and that comes with knowledge.

• Bridezilla vs. Mumzilla (and sometimes Dadzilla)
Bear in mind that it’s one of the most important days of their lives too- so they will feel very strongly about a lot of things and there is likely to be ‘a bit’ or ‘a lot’ (sorry!) of clashing. To minimize the familial tension and stress:

o Thank them for all their advice, input, contribution and participation (regardless of what you thought).
o Don’t reject their ideas right out, instead say that you’ll think about it.
o Try to always be calm and controlled, that’s the only way you’ll get through to them.
o Explain to them what your ideal wedding is about from the start and how you really need their help to fulfill it.
o Talk through the reasons behind your choices and take the time to listen to theirs- you all have a lot to offer, and you may be surprised by how much sense they can make.
o Organize a few bonding activities, go out for a fun afternoon tea, cinema, dinners, picnics- whatever your family finds fun, but with one golden rule: no discussing the wedding or anything to do with it.

• Bridezilla vs. Groomzilla
You love him, he loves you. [Have I said mabrook yet?] And you will Insha Allah be spending the rest of your lives together in the best of health and happiness. Expect that you will have fights at this time, that’s what comes with stress unfortunately. We often tend to take it out on the people closest to us. Please don’t take them too seriously, and don’t use these ‘wedding arguments’ as accurate indicators about your relationship. Consider that they you probably expressing both your feeling of nervousness and anxiety, and are both trying to balance doing things your own way, wanting to please each others, and wanting to please family and friends. You’ve got a lot on your plates way before the wedding cake.

• Bridezilla vs. the World
Everyone has always said how wonderful and exciting it is to plan a wedding—they lied. No no, just kidding, well partially. The truth is, it can be a ton of fun planning your ultimate party with favorite people—it just comes with a ton of stress and at times it can feel like people are strategizing how they can sabotage your wedding, or do the complete opposite of what you want. The likelihood is that they are not. So keep the following in mind and hopefully it will be a blast.
o I can’t say it enough: try to STAY CALM regardless of how incompetent someone may appear
o Be as clear and as detailed as possible. Misunderstandings and mistakes generally come from a lack of communication. Take pictures, magazine cut outs, material cut outs, and samples- whatever will put your ideas across in the most unambiguous way.
o Always speak slowly and clearly, and do not ever assume that they ‘know what you mean’. A friend’s wedding decorator in Seychelles once insisted that the bride’s description of a ‘chic and tasteful’ wedding consisted of an arch of bright gold balloons.
o Try to meet everyone in person and get a feel of their previous work. It’s important that you feel comfortable and that your personalities do not clash.
o Enroll in meditation and Yoga classes from now if you can. Learn how to breathe and control the barrage of feelings, the hail of both highs and lows.


• Start early!

o INVITES.INVITES.INIVITES.
You cannot start early enough. What may seem to be a simple feat, is no easy task. Draw up your lists, they will need to be worked through again and again. If a sibling or close family member recently got married, ask to borrow theirs and incorporate it with yours- it will save time and energy. Also, start working on your logo (if you are going to have one) and wedding card design- if you are perfectionists like us, it is going to take a looooooooooooooooooong time and a looooooooooooot of tweaking. Start a.s.a.p!

o THE DRESS: It takes around 6-7 months to get the final version of your dress from most bridal boutiques with multiple fitting in between, so you don’t want to end up in a last minute panic and having to shell out more money for rush orders. Shopping for the dress is one of the most fun parts of the entire experience.
 Try on ALL types of dresses and styles, you never know what may end up looking the best; we always start off with a certain image in our minds, but it may not be the best or most flattering.
 Wear a strapless bra and take along a pair of heeled shoes. With heel height, don’t go out of your comfort zone. You will become the epitome of a bridezilla if you have to spend your wedding with sore feet!

o Look for your favorite hair stylist and make-up artist. Once you’ve found them, take along pictures of what you’d like and make sure you do trial runs beforehand- the last thing you need to worry about is how you are going to look on your big day.


• Literally and purposefully: chill out!

You are going to be exhausted from the wedding planning, so why not escape to a spa with some good friend and get some well deserved pre-wedding pampering.


Best of bridal luck!